I think I’m schizophrenic

Or maybe we have Multiple Personality Disorder. I’m not sure.

Some days I want to play the prophet and say to those around me, “Thus says the LORD!” Others, I want to withdraw completely and live a hidden, quiet life.

There have been periods of my life where learning, knowledge and doctrine have dominated my thinking. Reading and thinking great thoughts along with the great minds of the faith. And other times where I sought to be the simple man taught by God, to whom scripture and prayer were the only fare on the table.

I’ve known, and read of, some giants of the faith in all these varieties, and more. I just don’t know which of them I’m going to be.

Just about the only thing I’m sure of is that I need to be a Holy Man.

A man living in the presence of God, dedicated to Him and Him alone.

I don’t need more knowledge.

I don’t need more insight.

I don’t need more stature and favor with men.

I don’t need better preaching, teaching, reading, revelation, gifting, technique or theory.

I need to be holy.

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One response to “I think I’m schizophrenic

  1. My soul friend and advisor tells me that I should be working on my holiness. (Okay, I am a dirty, rotten sinner and a sluggard and a dullard. Honest!)

    But I do not strive to be holy. Or, more holy.

    I do try to spend more time reading the old guys of the Christian faith. Those who created a church that never existed. Those who took the Word of God (both written and Living!) and made it/him their lives. I do try to read and study the Word of God (though I much prefer listening–Go iPod!). While sometimes I feel I have made progress and sometimes I don’t, every time that I do this, I don’t watch TV. Every time I don’t watch TV, I do become more holy (holier?).

    This week I have been busy with exams and tests and have plenty of opportunities to read the same Bible quotes over and over and it makes an impact. The repetition goes past rote into contemplation and into discovery. I read our confession of faith and it becomes a doorway to thoughts of God and heightened devotion. I write my answers, pulling together all my new resources, and I grow.

    All the while the TV lies dormant. I cannot hear it call my name. I am freed by the things of God (That an exam leads me to this is quite a shock!) and as a result, I become more holy. My thoughts flow to God, his creation, his Christ, his people.

    I don’t strive to be holy. Time spent with God is what I (should) strive for.

    Footnote type things….
    (1) Schizophrenia is now classified with the bipolar disorders. Multiple personality is now in its own separate category. (We know a lot about that in my family of origin.)
    (2) The “old guys of the Christian faith” aren’t Billy Graham, Billy Sunday, D.L. Moody or even Jonathan Edwards, Charlie Spurgeon, or Jean Calvin. They are people like Bishop Ignatius, Polycarp, Tertullian, Cyprian, Justin Martyr, Irenaeous, Clement of Alexandria, Patrick, Columba, Columbanus. Those men called the Early Church Fathers and the Celtic Church Fathers. Men who changed their worlds and mine.

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