I’m an introvert, so doing something in public that might call attention to myself causes me a to experience fairly high level of anxiety.
Well, I went to the grocery store last week and saw a police cruiser in the parking lot with the officer sitting in the driver’s seat. I thought , “I ought to go tell him, ‘Thanks for doing what you do.'” But the little anxiety shot that comes with the thought of talking with “strangers” was enough to stop me. Besides, I was thinking thankful thoughts. Isn’t that enough?
I thought about why I didn’t say something for a while and scolded myself for letting this stupid personality quirk stop me from doing what I know is the right and good thing. And when I had scolded myself enough to make the guilt go away, I forgot about it.
Until this week.
Same grocery store, almost same parking place, maybe the same officer and cruiser.
Same thought, same anxiety, almost same action. Except this time I say to myself, before I walk past him, “Well, he looks busy. If he’s still here when I come out it means I’m supposed to say this to him, if he’s gone then….”
I no sooner walk in and grab a cart when his partner walks right in front of me not ten feet away. But there’s people around and I freeze up.
I walk on for about thirty seconds and decide I’ve got to do this. So I turn around go in the direction he was headed to find him. I find him, only he’s talking with a couple of people. Abort! Abort!
I turn around.
Five minutes later, the first officer, the one that was in his cruiser, comes in and walks right past me.
This is getting stupid, and ridiculous.
I’ve got my groceries and I’m headed to the car. He’s back in the cruiser. I go up to him, say, “I just wanted to thank you for what you do.” He says, “You’re welcome.”. I go on to the car. No big deal.
What a small thing. How hard I sometimes make small things.